Sometimes I think I have myself convinced that the absence of tears is strength. That answering ‘fine’ is a good thing. That if I don’t love fully, deeply, there will be less of myself to hurt.

What a crock.
The other day I wrote a very difficult piece. It’s not published yet, but I’ll direct you to it once it’s live. I’ll be a contributer at another site once in a while, and this post was for them. The suggested topic was that of infant loss, miscarriage, infertility, and while it wasn’t set in stone, I felt drawn to it. God does that, you know – draws us toward what we need, which is where we find Him waiting.

I lit a candle and started allowing my fingers to fly across the keyboard. He was there, in my typing, and as the memories flooded my heart I felt Him and wanted to cry. I was astounded as I thought to myself, ‘let the tears come’.

When had I given up the freedom to cry? When did I have to give myself permission to let tears roll? When did I start harboring feelings, stuffing them down so I could trick myself into seeming a little more together than I actually am?

On that night, I took care of myself. I cried and remembered and sipped wine and snuggled up to Husby under warm blankets in a cool bedroom. The next morning I hosted webinars and took a shower over the lunch break and replied immediately to emails and took a chance and sent one of my own and felt good about my work. I loved my baby hard and drank hot coffee (just one sip, but still) and enough water and grabbed a devotional instead of my phone first thing in the morning.

I allowed the tears.

This is self care. Not self indulging, not loafing, not being selfish, but truly caring for ones own. Feeling our feelings. In the work and play that we do and in the love that we offer, let us not forget to be kind to our own souls, weary as they are. Let us choose gentleness and patience and goodness and grace and love, and let us offer these things to ourselves. Let us not have self-control over tears and joy. And when we are good to our own selves, may we rest in them and believe them and have peace.

*this post is part of a weekly series for (in)couragers. click here to learn more, and here to join the (in)couraging working new moms group.
{girl with blog}

ps – Trying something new around here. consider clicking to vote? I’d love to make the list on top baby blogs. Just click here, then click the owl on the left!

{girl with blog}

Pin It on Pinterest