Sometimes I think I have myself convinced that the absence of tears is strength. That answering ‘fine’ is a good thing. That if I don’t love fully, deeply, there will be less of myself to hurt.
What a crock.
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The other day I wrote a very difficult piece. It’s not published yet, but I’ll direct you to it once it’s live. I’ll be a contributer at another site once in a while, and this post was for them. The suggested topic was that of infant loss, miscarriage, infertility, and while it wasn’t set in stone, I felt drawn to it. God does that, you know – draws us toward what we need, which is where we find Him waiting.
I lit a candle and started allowing my fingers to fly across the keyboard. He was there, in my typing, and as the memories flooded my heart I felt Him and wanted to cry. I was astounded as I thought to myself, ‘let the tears come’.
When had I given up the freedom to cry? When did I have to give myself permission to let tears roll? When did I start harboring feelings, stuffing them down so I could trick myself into seeming a little more together than I actually am?
On that night, I took care of myself. I cried and remembered and sipped wine and snuggled up to Husby under warm blankets in a cool bedroom. The next morning I hosted webinars and took a shower over the lunch break and replied immediately to emails and took a chance and sent one of my own and felt good about my work. I loved my baby hard and drank hot coffee (just one sip, but still) and enough water and grabbed a devotional instead of my phone first thing in the morning.
I allowed the tears.
This is self care. Not self indulging, not loafing, not being selfish, but truly caring for ones own. Feeling our feelings. In the work and play that we do and in the love that we offer, let us not forget to be kind to our own souls, weary as they are. Let us choose gentleness and patience and goodness and grace and love, and let us offer these things to ourselves. Let us not have self-control over tears and joy. And when we are good to our own selves, may we rest in them and believe them and have peace.
*this post is part of a weekly series for (in)couragers. click here to learn more, and here to join the (in)couraging working new moms group.
-anna
{girl with blog}
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{girl with blog}
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You know I love you, and I love reading your heart. We are so much alike. I don’t very often let myself have a good cry, but I agree that sometimes it needs to happen.
Please don’t ever stop sharing your heart. People like me need the reminders.
YES~ you can be proud of yourself. Tears are healing, I know for me this last month or so has been full of tears, hot and unfamiliar but shown and pushed out. In public, and alone.
They cleanse your heart and keep the pressure from building like a pressure cooker to unleash itself in an ‘unexpected’ way. God sees your tears and it is ok.
Beautiful. Do you know that old LaRue song – “It’s Okay to Cry”? I sometimes need to give myself permission too. I guess sometimes I’m afraid that if I let out some of the emotion, it will all come out and I’ll be consumed. Sometimes it’s easier not to feel… but it’s not truly living. I’m spending some time today to reflect & pour my heart out to God. It’s not just my physical body that needs care, but my spirit too… such a good reminder, my friend. Love you.
You are right. It takes time to cry, and moms often don’t have time. It is a stress reliever, and it is ok to cry. Nice reminder. 🙂
Thank you for this awesome post. I m a big cry baby 🙂 but it’s all good. I think sometimes I have a problem remembering that I am important.
Love this line: “draws us toward what we need, which is where we find Him waiting.” How very true! I love following as He guides me.
Crying is sometimes so freeing. I’m glad you gave yourself permission… I need to do that more often too.