As an at-home mom (a mom at all), I invest in someone besides myself. There is a little tiny person who needs my attention, love, creativity, patience, kindness and arms. My dear son is so high energy, so fearless, so sweetly demanding of all that I am.
I wouldn’t want it any other way.
We waited years for this little fireball boy to turn our lives upside down, and he has delivered =) I wish I could convey to you how ultimately, completely, totally and utterly lifechanging a child is – at least, that’s how it’s been for us – but there isn’t a good way to do that. It’s like every single minute of the day is entirely different than it was before December 15, 2011. The seconds between 2:46 and 2:47 am on 12/15 held more than a minute; they held each final tick of an old life turned new. Nothing – hear me. NOTHING. – was the same after that final clocks movement. With this new life came a chief new investment – my son. I pour my whole life, day, heart into his. And sweet and difficult as that continual pouring out is, I feel like it’s left me with little heart, time and emotion to invest elsewhere.
There are so many other people I love, and I’m wondering if they know how dear they are to me these days. My day starts in the 6am hour, The Boy rises before 8, and then I am with him (really with him, you know?) until bedtime, when I trade in toys for the laptop and work. That means phone calls to friends are few & far between. Date nights with Husby are precious commodities. And time for me – not doing things for the family, just doing things for me – are pretty much limited to doctor visits.
The other day I had a thought. I am a crappy friend. I don’t readily make phone calls, and I never just drop in on friends. Whatever happened to just stopping by?! When a day has some gaps in it and I could have a playdate at the zoo, I have to cram some work in instead. There are dear family members who haven’t heard from me in months. We send out a Christmas card and letter, and like posts on Facebook, and we may even send a text. But a phone call or Skype session or actual visit? Time spent with my husband playing a game of Scrabble, snuggling fireside, even having a dinner or movie out – none of these things have happened in months. And the last time I got a massage or pedicure was when I was pregnant.
In investing only in one {albeit HUGE} chunk of my life, the others are all out of whack. It’s like food: if you only eat fruit, delicious as it is, you fall short in other nutritional areas. I’m not saying mothering my Boy is fluffy, or unimportant, or even not enough for my delight. BUT I am saying that I feel some parts of my life are lacking. I need to, for my sanity, start trying harder, make different choices, take risks. I need to learn how to stretch the hours of my day even further than they already are to include phone calls, planned visits, and maybe a mani/pedi because I am drowning a little bit without them.
It’s time to re-allocate some of my investments.
Not that I know how to do that yet, but isn’t that what making an investment does?
It’s stretching and sacrificial and, if you’re careful, it pays off.
-anna
{girlwithblog}
Love this post. It is very hard. Especially when you are at home or especially working at home – like you do. I sometimes feel so lazy about making plans with friends, but find it is ALWAYS worth it. Rarely do I regret it. Don’t be hard on yourself…you are just now getting to that point with Sam when it is easier to step away from the line of duty and breathe on your own once in awhile. Baby steps. I know that Laura, Lynelle and I would all gladly have a playdate this summer! Let’s plan it! But today….don’t come a knockin’ I took Charley in for a strep test and he puked all over the doc office….maybe tylenol on an empty stomach and then a good helping of fresh pineapple was my oops moment of the day.
This is so good and wise! Our situations are different but I am finding myself in the same place. After my husband passed, I felt guilty leaving my son. But we NEED other people and as I have begun to take these steps I have definitely seen a change in myself and in him. 🙂
I could have written this post, only trading “WAHM” to “part time working mom and full time student.” Apples and oranges to an extent, but the principles are the same. Everything revolves around my son, and some things have to – or should – revolve around him, and others I just let revolve around him. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s my excuse – to myself and others – because I am exhausted and sometimes the logistics are just different with a kid and don’t mesh well with invitations. In short, I hear ya!
oh honey. I have been waiting to comment on this because I am dealing with the same thing, and it only got more dire in the past three weeks to try and find that balance.
I work out of the home 5 days a week, Hubs works most weeks 5 days plus a 2nd job 4 nights a week. That is me solo 4 nights a week sometimes more, plus solo in the morning 2-3 mornings a week. To say things are chaotic is an understatement.
I love that you have recognized this in yourself and work to find that key balance, I hope you find the best thing that works for your family, that is what mattes the most.
Your investments are the most important.