I want to fill this new shiny space with joy, only sweetness, all things pink and sugary. I have a book review due two hours ago and a cookbook review&giveaway slated for two days ago. There are adorable pictures from our Easter Sunday waiting to be uploaded, and new recipes to share with you.
But I just don’t feel shiny or sugary or even very happy.
Today a friend of mine delivered her sweet baby girl, barely two weeks shy of her due date, and that baby never took a breath.
{source}
So much pain. So heartbreaking. I want to cry and yell at God a little. How come this happened? It’s not fair! That baby was so close to being in her nursery. It’s not fair that her parents had to go home with an empty carseat to a house with a pink quilt hanging on an unused crib. It’s not fair that her heart beat for nearly 38 weeks, then just stopped. Simply stopped beating. Couldn’t You have intervened? With merely a breath, couldn’t You have restarted that strong flutter? It’s just not fair.
Then I wonder, where does this desiring of fairness come from? Nothing is ever fair, but it’s as if we think things should be, all things should be just. Yet women who don’t want babies have them, and women who yearn for babies never conceive, and still other women lose babies before they can take a breath.
God, will you make beauty of even these things? You promise you can, that you will, but tonight I don’t see how that’s possible. And that takes a lot for me to say. I’ve seen you make good of deep, dark uglies. But for some reason I’m stuck today. The babies won’t leave my head and my heart aches for their mamas especially. This isn’t what I wanted to write on my brand new, shiny, pretty blog. These aren’t things I ever wanted to write anywhere.
But I am a truth-teller, and tonight this is my truth. I am angry and sad and challenging God to come thru on His promise of beauty. All my hope hinges on that promise.
To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)
-anna
{girl with blog}
I am so sorry – I don’t understand these things either and it is the part of my faith walk that I have questioned…I don’t think we will have the answers here in this life….we just have to hope that there is beauty that comes from something like this. Praying hard for them and for you!
Praying for beauty right along with you. I’m so so sorry. I’m learning things might never make sense here, but here is not our home. That’s a hard truth to swallow, but if we can get past the unfairness of it all, the promise can bring some hope.
That is incredibly sad. There simply are no words. I hope they got pictures, and allowed themselves some precious time with their little girl, that is part of the healing, as their hearts break for something so sad.
I am with you…so much of this in the last 8 weeks too. Even being through it 3 times myself, I was just beside myself last night trying to wrap my brain around it, let alone my heart. Praying for your friend and you!
Anna~ Dearest hoping my package reaches u guys today. Hoping its not out of line that its just simply a gift of comfort to J and you in these down in the dumps moments. Praying for you guys always. Missing yous like crazy. Sometimes just cry bc I Miss you two that much. My heart breaks when I read these oh so sad blogs. Soon very soon I just know thinks are going to brighten up for your family. Everyone keeps telling me that the Man upstairs doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle this hurtle shall pass too. I know you and J will have another baby when the time in right I believe this with all my heart dear friend. If any couple deserves it it’s you two! Love you guys hope to get to see you guys one of these days!
Praying & hoping with you, sweet friend. I hate that there is so much pain and hurt and injustice in this world. And I trust too that God will bring beauty and healing in time. The rainbow is even more beautiful after the darkest storm… ((Hugs))
When I learned the news I almost immediately thought of you. Infant loss seems to be so much a part of womanhood. I read a statistic somewhere: one in four. My heart breaks. People just don’t know our stories, which is why authenticity like this is so important. If people have the heart to share their heart. Thank you for sharing yours. I know I long to be more authentic with others when they say, “oh- you’re an only child. you must be spoiled” they don’t know about the sibling I would of loved to had, who my mom lost during her pregnancy. How I know, 26 later, still has a hurting heart. One thing is for sure, our God is a God of life and love.
That fact that tons of people who didn’t necessarily want kids, or have one too many for not the right reasons always digs so deep into my heart. so many people want a baby to love more than life… and never get one. I will never understand. Life is not fair. That I do.
This happened to my sister-in-law 21 years ago – two weeks before my own son – his cousin – was born. Incredibly sad to lose Andrew before we even knew him. His influence was great though – through his memorial service and the testimony that she still shares today he has brought many moms hope. Our family is looking forward to meeting Andrew one day in heaven….
I hear you. I’m sad, mad, and angry, too. Infertility and miscarriages are so cruel.
Crap.
I’m walking this journey with a close friend of mine. She was 38.5 weeks along. And it is crap, crap, crap.
You can do this, Anna. You can be the friend that she and her husband need. It is a hard job. An important job. And you can do it.
Crap.
My biggest advice for you is don’t forget that little girl.
– set reminders on your phone to send cards or make a phone call each month
– write her a letter and leave it at the grave for the parents to find some day
– take meals
– clean the house and months later… offer to dust and vacuum the untouched nursery as a way of honoring that special space
– say her name often
This journey sucks and I am so sorry for YOUR broken heart also. I am sorry for the questions that you will scream to God. I am sorry for the days when your shoulders will ache with the pain of supporting friends going through such terrible grief. Of course it isn’t about you…. but it is your crappy journey now too.
I’ve written about my friend’s stillbirth on my blog. You might find the post “The Do’s & Don’ts of Helping a Friend After a Stillbirth” helpful. http://simplyrebekah.com/2013/03/07/the-dos-donts-of-helping-a-friend-after-a-stillbirth-plus-a-giveaway/
crap, crap, crap…
Crap
Crap, crap, crap…
I’ve been walking this same journey with a girlfriend who lost her son at 38.5 weeks. It is awful and I am so sorry.
I feel terribly sorry for the parents, but I also am sorry for YOU. I am sorry for the tears and grief that you feel as a friend. I’m sorry for the angry questions you’ll cry out to God. I’m sorry for the heavy weight on your shoulders you will feel as you help carry your friends along this path.
Of course this isn’t about you, but yet I am sorry…
As a friend the best advice I can give you is to never forget.
– Set reminders on your phone to send cards, texts, and make phone calls
– Write her a letter and leave it at the grave for her parents to find later.
– take meals
– clean the house and months later… offer to dust and vacuum the empty nursery as a way to honor that sacred space
– say her name often
I wrote a post you might find helpful “The Do’s & Don’ts of Helping a Friend After a Stillbirth.” You can find it here: http://simplyrebekah.com/2013/03/07/the-dos-donts-of-helping-a-friend-after-a-stillbirth-plus-a-giveaway/
crap…