It’s not like me to not post here in two weeks. That breaks my own social media ‘rules’, the ones I teach churches to use. I tell them to post at least once a week so it doesn’t get ‘cobwebby’ in their space. Can you see the spiderwebs building up in the corners here? Oy. Everything’s fine. The Boy regressed further with his sleep schedule as he cut two teeth in two days, and a third later that week. Then he caught a cold, complete with all the nasal drip fun and a nasty cough. So when I’ve sat down in the evening, it’s been to quickly catch up on work projects and go to bed, which doesn’t leave much time to write my heart here.
I used to sleep until 11am on weekends. Husby and I would stay up late, tackling projects or each other =) Now on a normal night we sleep from 11:30-2, 3-5, 6-8. Every night is different – some are worse than this. The Boy slept all night on Sunday (from 8:30-7:30), which was the third time since his birth that he’s done that. Daddy & I slept from 12-7:30. It was SO.SWEET. And I repeat, it was the third.time. we’ve gotten that much sleep in 355 nights. But now we have different dreams and nights and mornings, and sometimes they all blur together as we tackle our new little person with love and snuggles.
I used to sit online all day, working back and forth on paid work and in this space, tweeting my hands off, updating site layout and links and content, dreaming and following through. I was available to add hours of work at a moments notice, write up a post quickly, spend time on an editorial calendar. I’d hop up from my {clean} desk to get another cup of coffee, a snack, to make lunch. I would read words written on paper and sandwiched between two covers. Now I struggle to complete projects, keep up with my spinning plates, and I have a new dream come true. He’s super cute and way more fun than any of those other plates.
Boxes of Christmas decorations sit piled in the dining room, the living room, the office. We used to deck our halls in a one day marathon, hours of crazy and noise and unwrapping and chaos. Now there’s a different kind of crazy and noise taking over our halls. Instead of many brightly colored balls rolling, there’s one big {fire}ball of energy and adorable barreling down the hallway, brighter than any Christmas lights.
The battle is with the struggle between and vs. or. My life used to be and. In a day, I could work and deck the halls and cook a meal and run an errand and take a shower and go to bed. I didn’t choose between running to Target and making supper, or taking a shower and arriving on time, or completing a work project and writing a post here. I did all the ands. Now I choose one. I choose one thing instead of both because there is a darling face competing for my attention and he always wins. I live a life of or. Shower or arrive on time, work or write here, decorate or run an errand.
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It’s not a bad thing, it’s just an adjustment there’s no way to prepare for before baby arrives. So many people say well-meaning things: ‘Get your sleep before baby comes!’, ‘Enjoy the quiet now’, ‘Travel while you can’, and so on. But no one says ‘Get a grip on all the projects (work and home) that you’ll have in the next few years before they’re totally disrupted and there’s no time to recover and you’re scrambling to make the ends of your life meet, all while wanting to throw it all into the wind and grab those teeny hands and dance.’ So that’s what we do. We cram the tiny cracks full of the projects that pay the bills and fill our hearts a little, and then we grab the great wide open spaces and whirl and laugh and find that we’re just in our kitchen at 10am on a Tuesday.
-anna
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anna
{girl with blog}
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Hang in there! Don’t forget the word no, sometimes you have to say it lol! Sometimes it’s hard for me to say it! 😉
Beautiful, true words, my friend. You are making my cry over here! I’ve never thought of the sacrifice of parenting in that way – “and v. or”, but it’s so true. I was getting back to a new normal, and then #2 came along, and those “or” choices became even more frequent! I love how you are clinging to joy and enjoying your boy, even when these days get so stressful. These babies do get independent eventually, and I know we’ll look back on these days with longing… Love you!
It is a shift for sure. And I think all parents go through it- the ones who stay at home, the ones who work from home, and the ones who work outside of the home. There just isn’t enough hours in the day. Rachel is right no is an important word. Remember that very time you say it, you are saying YES to something else.
Oh my goodness yes. I am really living this these days with 2 little ones. I’ve been working off the same to-do list for five days, and I’ve barely made a dent in it. I love the idea of thinking of it as “or.” My “and” days are on hold for now and that’s OK. But I need to remember that it’s okay.
Amen sista, amen.
Oh man…this resonates with me. Sadly, my blog rarely wins the battle of the “OR”s with a three-year-old vying for my attention and a one-year-old that n.e.v.e.r sleeps. And lately I’ve been feeling the pressure from those who don’t have children, insinuating that I’m “making excuses” for not accomplishing more. THEY CAN’T UNDERSTAND. And sometimes I need another Mommy to tell me it’s okay to just survive the day. Thanks for being that Mommy today. 🙂