Loss and grief are familiar emotions to me. As you know, Jared and I have traveled the path of infertility, and through it God is bringing us closer to Him. That’s right, I said ‘is bringing’, not ‘brought’. The pain of infertility doesn’t stop with a baby.
|after all, this picture makes my own uterus twitch.|
That sounds strange, as though having the answer to our prayers in our arms isn’t enough, but the truth is that it isn’t enough. It’s still hard to hear about other new pregnancies, because I think about what it would be like to have our two babies running around. It’s hard for me to hear about moms expecting again, or people who weren’t trying but are suddenly pregnant… While my child is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given, I still totally have uterus envy. And I know that sounds so selfish, and it makes me feel a little dumb, but it’s my simple honesty.
But I’m not sure that the answer to our prayers are supposed to be enough. I think what we’ve been reminded of through this study is that nothing is enough. Not us as moms, not our homes or jobs or husbands or babies… those things are good, so very deeply good, but only God is enough. Only He who gave all is enough. And because of His enough-ness, He equips us for motherhood.
Even when we’re weary.